My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
