I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I didn't notice because vodka
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
