Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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