Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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