gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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