And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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