Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
