just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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