I cannot find my penis.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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