That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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