you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
