Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
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dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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