Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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