so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
