Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
