So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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