um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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