Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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