I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
NoShamevember. You game?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
