Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
