last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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