The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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