I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
