I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
