You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
