I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
