Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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