those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
