My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
