suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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