that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
