All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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