Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
