I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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