Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We're too hungover to prance.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Couch. On fire.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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