then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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