Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Mom said you looked used
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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