im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
