I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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