i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize