he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
