Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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