is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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