i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
