I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
