so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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