I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
