Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
