so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
