I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
