Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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