If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize