i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
