i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
