How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
