i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
