What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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