this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
