I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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