you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
