this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
