And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
