My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
