i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
